Well Enough Alone
by panicxxheart
Summary: The weight of his request coupled with the overwhelming buildup of emotions finally brought her to a standstill. She shook her head in a rapid desperation to keep it together. White knuckled hands bit harshly into her sides, but the heroic act of holding herself up was over. Post 3x10. One-shot or more? Linden/Holder.


**Panic's Note: **After spending the better part of two weeks marathoning The Killing via Netflix all while watching the current season I think it's safe to say I am a major fan of the series. It has so much character development and plot points that I have to admit the inspiration for writing this piece is shaky at best. It's hard to work with such well defined characters. Either way I couldn't resist the urge to play with the relationship between Linden and Holder. So, here I am ready to give you what stands as a one-shot that could develop into more.

As much as I want Linden and Holder to jump the gun, toss caution to the wind, and get physical-heh let's face it-these characters just aren't the type. To remain true to that aspect of them this is based in friendship and support more so than romance. If you look hard enough those dimensions can blur into one though ;)

Anyways, this is a follow-up to the ending of 3X10. It is season three intensive and will be quite the spoiler if you aren't up-to-date with the show.

Enjoy!

_The Killing and everything that relates to it do not belong to me. I'm here to tempt what's given and play with boundaries, but at the end of the day I have to give it all back to AMC._

**Well Enough Alone**

The damp cool air greeted Linden as she exited onto the uneven rubble leading a narrow path towards her car. Her arms wrapped tightly around her small frame warding off the sudden change in temperature. A slight tremble crept along her spine, while a distant gaze rose to find the trees. The deep green hue of leaves blended together forming a shadow against the dreary overcast sky. While this image wasn't new to Linden it referenced a moment she desperately wanted to forget. It sent a defined shiver quaking through her body as her mind jarred right back to the room and man she watched die.

She could still hear the gagging and erratic shuffling of a struggling body. Every second she spent with her eyes closed only gave her sight of an innocent man falling to his strangled death. The only comfort she could find in herself was the fact that she had turned away in an attempt to drown out the rest of the execution. Everything else that surrounded what she had just witnessed amounted to her current state. She had made empty promises; offered false hope, and lied to a man she was so desperate to save.

Her throat felt impossibly tight as she shook her head against her thoughts. The foreign sound of a restrained whimper escaped her pressed lips the second they parted to breath. Her arms tightened to restrict both the trembles and sounds she was fighting to control. This wasn't the image or person she wanted anyone to see. She was a detective and had followed every lead to the bitter end. She had done everything within her power and rights to save Seward. She had been wrong, knew it since filing the case, and since had fought to make everything right. She knew this. Yet, she couldn't accept it. Her own mind was screaming at her to get it together, but she couldn't comply. She had killed him.

Linden sucked in another rattled constricted breath forcing herself to move. If she remained standing still she was bound to lose control. She needed to leave, to forget, and get as far away from that room as possible. Her quick steps brought her away from the prison and pass the line of cars.

"Linden!" Holder's deep voice shouted at her rear .She pushed herself to move faster as a very visible shiver shook her shoulders. "Yo, Linden. Wait up!" Shoes scrapping over rubble followed his words. She wasn't ready to face him. All she wanted, needed, was the distance and space to temporarily forget. None of which would happen with Holder breathing down her neck.

"It's over," she grounded out between clenched teeth. Her jaw ached slightly against the words she forced out. "It's over, Holder." She repeated, trying to convey the notion that he could leave. Her attention remained trained on the damp ground directly in front of her. The simple thought of looking back at him seemed too complicated to manage as she continued in her aimless march.

"Kinda figured executions don't come with a half-time play-by-play." Holder dryly joked; his footsteps slowed giving Linden peripheral sight of his tall lean frame. "Where ya going? The exit's back that way. Not trying to down play this fine piece of land, but there ain't nothing out here, Linden."

Her head lifted to find sight of the slightly less distant trees. The last words she'd shouted at Seward played like a broken record through her strained mind. That last shred of hope and comfort she offered him seemed impossibly shallow to her. Within the expanse of an hour he had died and here she was walking right towards a piece of a dying man's last memory. Every last one of Holder's words fell on deaf ears as she continued to warily walk.

"So what're we looking for?" Holder asked after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence and walking. The upbeat tone of his voice was slowly getting lost to the pain and worry he couldn't seem to mask any longer. "Hidden stash? Runaway rabbits?" He continued with a weak chuckle. "Ghosts?" His characteristic sarcasm missed in every beat. "Quit holding out me, Linden." He pressed when another minute passed unanswered.

Strained muscles in her legs finally slowed her pace. She didn't know how far she had walked or why she found limited comfort in the looming trees ahead of her. A part of her felt a vague relief from the distance she had placed between herself and the prison. She took in a deep shallow breath just as a strong hand touched her shoulder. Acting in defense her body jerked hard at the contact and took an unbalanced step away.

"Sarah?" Holder cautioned, his hand recoiling in time with her flinch. "Look at me." She could hear the raw expression of confusion and regret in his voice as she shifted her gaze to find his.

"What, Holder?" She asked weakly, for the first time noticing the sting of tears gathering in the corner of her eyes. Just as quickly as she'd made eye contact with him she broke it. Red hair flared around her face in a rush to hide the emotion from him. He had seen her worked up before over a case, but not defeated. This time her distance and tears were due to something she wasn't fully sure she could handle and having exposed those uncertain emotions to him was terrifying.

"Seriously, quit holding out on me. Let's hear it." He answered, failing at his bad attempt to lighten the heavy mood. She shook her head absently and pressed her lips into a hard line. A part of her knowing that if she opened her mouth she would regret whatever managed to make it out. "Come on, Linden. You know the drill. I need eyes and words." The weight of his request coupled with the overwhelming buildup of emotions finally brought her to a standstill. She shook her head in a rapid desperation to keep it together. White knuckled hands bit harshly into her sides, but the heroic act of holding herself up was over. Her numb legs finally gave out as her knees skidded into the damp grass.

"I can't-"She croaked with a shake of her head while sucking in a calming breath. "I can't. I just, I need you to let it go. Stop talking." She squeezed her eyes shut and bowed her head. Once again she was flooded with the images of Seward's painful execution.

"Nah, that's the last thing you need," Holder grunted as he slumped down next to her. "I've been there. Ain't exactly a party, but some skinny ass dragged me out of that pity pit." She could practically hear the edges of his mouth quirking in a smirk as she focused her energy on keeping her shaky breaths from crossing the border into sobs. "Made me remember that we fight for justice and deal with the shit that goes wrong. Because we live in one fucked up world and have to maintain the rights among all the wrongs." He drawled out with an added sigh. "Don't play the blame game, Linden." He added, his voice shifting to a smooth and calming tone.

"I-I put him there." She blurted through trembling lips. "Kept him from Adrian," Her head dipped farther to the point that her chin rested against her chest. "I was wrong, Holder. Not right. I knew it. I knew it." She could feel the building pressure and tightening of her throat. "And still didn't move, didn't work, fast enough. I killed him." She managed before a sob finally broke through her withering control.

"No." Holder stated simply, but firmly. "No." He repeated as if to solidify his denial of her confession and doubts. "Can't kill a man you fight for. And you fought damn hard." Another muted sob rattled her entire body as her arms dropped loosely to the ground. Her struggle to keep a strong front in the face of this day vanished with Holder's words. "You did everything right." He added, shifting a little closer to her conveying his support without any actual contact. "That's a fact, Sarah."

"Then why is he dead?" She asked miserably, countering his denial with the only real truth. An innocent man was placed in jail based on her findings. A child lost his father, because she didn't do her job right. A dying man looked to her for hope and she offered him a shallow lie. She had made everything worse, because she couldn't leave well enough alone. She had sat through his execution only to flinch away. Instead of remaining strong she had cracked. Instead of doing right she had done irreparable wrong.

"I don't know," His own recent trials constricted his words as he accidentally bumped her shoulder with a loose shrug. "Guess we can't save everyone." He mumbled, letting the words fall between them and reflect on both the death of Bullet and Seward.

Linden couldn't find the resolve to keep her emotions silent as the first muffled and strangled cry pushed through her clenched teeth. She knew that Holder was still hurting and yet couldn't get a grip to help him anymore than she could currently help herself. There was no strength left in her to find as she shifted and collapsed against his side. Her face pressed securely into his broad shoulder. The tension that met her initial contact loosened as they both dealt separately but together with the aftermath of causing death.

_And that's a wrap! This is how I imagine Linden would break down. I may continue this. Either way I would love to know what you think. Reviews are always appreciated and give me a gauge on whether I've got something here or not._


End file.
